Going to Therapy Camp

Well I was informed last night that we were able to meet our fund raising match with the Bridge to Healing Foundation and a little more.  So I will be going to therapy camp with Alex at the end of July.  I am so grateful that he will be able to attend and for the generosity of so many to make it possible.  This mom just isn't capable of handling much right now and the timing is good because Alex is making that oh so wonderful transition to the teen years.  In case you don't know, I've learned from other parents of older special needs kids that the transition for them is hellish compared to typical kids.  Yippee (can you feel my excitement?) 

Having to go through the loss of a child when you've been out of social circles for some time has been incredibly difficult and lonely place to be.  I am also struggling because there were a few close friends in my daily life when Braden was alive who now are too busy in their own lives to reach out to me anymore.  That is particularly disappointing and heartbreaking because no matter how difficult things could get, I could always find a big smile and lots of laughs.  It was nice to feel good about myself knowing I actually have a sense of humor and can make others laugh.   I am thankful for a few people I've been able to connect with the past few weeks to get out of the house with or without the boys  (and I especially enjoyed girls night out with my sister in-laws-thank you Minnesota Mule, Lemon Drop and the movies Bridesmaids).  I feel like my identity and purpose in life has been altered in a major way and I'm trying to identify the "What's Next" in several areas of my life right now. 

I have to be careful because I know that I can tend to have a 'thin' skin at times with others. I am finding it difficult to hear well meaning 'friends' make comments like telling me I need to connect with other moms who have lost children to find support.  Being in this place I don't want to be in right now I couldn't DISAGREE more!  I want to just be myself around the friends already in my life and possibly be reacquainted with others whom I've lost touch with over the past few years.  I'm not looking for others to give me advice, say something meaningful and spiritual, or to make things better.  I just want to be in the company of others and just 'be'. 

I am finding it more difficult as time goes on to keep up with this blog, mainly because I am trying to use discretion in what I am able to share.  Things are difficult.  Someone said that the more they listen to me share about events lately that it seems like they are peeling an onion-once you get past one layer there is another layer and there are also things that are interconnected.  I was counseled by someone last night to be prayerful about any decisions I am in the process of making.  It was a good reminder to be mindful since emotions can run strong and come unexpected at times.  I wish at times I could just turn my brain 'off' because I just think too much.

I am hopeful that I will be able to connect with other parents at therapy camp who have shared similar struggles in raising their special kids.  I am keeping my eyes open for opportunities personally and professionally.  I've even been thinking about going back to school to obtain licensure in a medically related profession.  I know that I will be in a position to continue learning more-not just for my children but hopefully for others someday.