Yesterday would have been Braden's third birthday. It was a bittersweet day. I think it's fair to say that our hearts still hurt very deeply and it's hard to hold back the tears. We all love him and miss him so much. He brought so much laughter, smiles, joy and happiness to our family each and every day. I know it's easy for some to romanticize a person once they are gone-lifting them up on a pedestal and minimizing their human faults. For Braden in his few short years here on Earth, he really didn't have many negative moments with us. He had moments of fussing or not wanting to do something but he was not a crier or complainer. He loved to laugh and make us laugh. He would try and get our attention and make us laugh at the dinner table each night by saying or doing something silly. He loved to wrestle with his dad and brothers. I am glad that I was able to join in a few times with our little wrestling matches after dinner time. It has given me good memories of Braden trying to squash me and jump up and down on me. He loved to jump on our bed, pull the light cord on our ceiling fan to turn it on and off, and to fall straight backwards onto the mattress. In the mornings he would yell at us "get out!" because he'd want us to get him out of his crib so he could come snuggle up with us under our covers. He'd like us to lift the covers up and pretend we were in a cave. He'd always say there were 'bears and penguins' inside! He also loved to play peek-a-boo with us and inevitably he'd end up laughing and laughing.
I am so thankful for the special people in my life who have reached out to say they have been praying for us, they are thinking of us, and for the reminder from Braden's grandma that he is in a much better place, smiling and having a good time-it's just hard for those of us whom he's left behind. I was also touched by receiving a special drawing yesterday from my friend Nicolle. It went along nicely with mom's words to me. It's an eight by ten drawing of Jesus and Braden skipping in a grassy meadow in heaven. We went to visit his grave site at the cemetery, taking him cut flowers from our yard and three balloons. How ironic though that one of the balloons broke after tying it off. We took time as a family to go for a walk at Lake Phalen in St. Paul, grab some amazing pizza at Pizza Luce for dinner (and it was so great to be able to eat somewhere that everyone in our family could be accommodated) and a few giant cupcakes from Lunds before bedtime.
I have been busy since my last post with doctor appointments for Logan and Evan. They have had camp physicals, recurrence of strep throat for Evan, and even an endoscope procedure for Logan. We are still waiting for the results of the scope. The doctor took biopsy samples to see whether Logan definitively has Celiac's Disease. He had four episodes of pain in his tummy that kept him home from school. I know already that everything looked fine on the scope except the start of his small intestine. I am anxious to hear about the pathology and what the next steps need to be.
I am also very thankful for the people who gave generously to Alex's therapy camp. Because of their generosity he will be able to go and receive intensive therapeutic intervention. I will be going with him to the therapy camp which is being held at the Northland Inn in Brooklyn Park, MN. We will be checking in on Friday, July 22 and finishing up on Sunday, July 31. Being immersed in MNRI therapy will be part of my journey to healing as I was in the middle of a four day class in Archetype reflex patterns when Braden's shunt failed. I have not had the courage to pick up my course manual yet. In fact I've been good at avoiding a lot of things-I'm just not ready to deal with the pain yet. It's easy too for me to avoid friends and family on Facebook and on this blog. Not that I'm intentionally avoiding social interaction-I'm finding it's the one thing I really want and need right now. It's hard to find the motivation to do some of the same activities I once enjoyed. I am appreciative of offers to watch the boys. It has been good to get a few hours away.
Going back to Michigan in August for vacation will be difficult but necessary and healing at the same time. Some days I wish I could just pack the kids up and just stay there for the summer until it's time to come back for school. But we have golf lessons, baseball playoffs, adaptive softball, weekly therapy appointments and a park program that was already paid for so there would be opportunities to get out and play with other kids.
I started to meet with a woman from church through Stephen's Ministry but have found that if I'm able to connect with a few close friends and do some therapy work myself, I'm okay. It's hard for me to leave the boys with dad-you know moms just intuitively know what their kids need. Kim if you are reading this, know that I am so thankful for your support with Alex. It's nice having a friend who walks in the same shoes and can have an impact on your child. Just wish you lived closer!
Thank you Braden for the laughter, especially in the darker moments of life. You are not forgotten and we will continue to look for you in the small blessings of our lives.
No comments:
Post a Comment